Abuse between partners, generally referred to as domestic violence, is not simply a criminal justice issue. It destroys romantic, spousal, and even parental relationships, representing both a physical act and a betrayal of the trust between two people.

It is, therefore, unsurprising that domestic violence is a recurring contributing factor to divorce. Yet, despite that, it does not trigger divorces as often as one might expect. The reasons behind that fact are complex and vary from couple to couple.

How Widespread Is Domestic Violence?

At its core, domestic violence is about power. It can take many forms, including any of the following:

• Physical Abuse: The use of force or threats thereof
• Sexual Abuse: Using violence, coercion, or blackmail to acquire sex
• Emotional Abuse: Creates dependence on the abuser
• Financial Abuse: Using money to manipulate the other person
• Stalking: Creates discomfort by invading the victim’s privacy

Studies report that about 41% of women and 26% of men have experienced physical violence, sexual abuse, or stalking by an intimate partner at some point during their lives. The true rate might be higher than the reported rate, though, as many victims hide their abuse out of shame.

Sadly, the effects of domestic violence extend beyond the immediate act. According to one survey, 43% of domestic violence victims report that their experiences with intimate partner violence affected them as much as any other events in their lives.

How Many Divorces Result From Domestic Violence?

It would be logical to expect domestic violence to be a leading cause of divorce, given its high rate. However, according to one study, intimate partner violence is only the seventh-highest issue cited by individuals for causing their divorces.

The following issues ranked higher than domestic violence for many divorcees:

• Lack of commitment
• Cheating
• Arguments
• Immaturity
• Financial difficulties
• Substance abuse

The report noted that divorcees who listed domestic violence as a major cause of their divorces typically experienced the following pattern:

• Gradual development of abuse
• Cycles of increasingly intense abuse mixed with contrition
• Divorce when the abuse reached an unbearable level

Although domestic violence was not a common cause of divorce, it was the second-most commonly cited “final straw” triggering the decision to divorce. Over 23% of divorcees identified a specific instance of domestic violence as the final straw before filing for divorce. For example, a person might cite drug use as the reason for their divorce and a violent fight as the final straw.

Ultimately, among the participants surveyed for the study, 23.5% of all participants cited domestic violence as a major contributor to their divorces. And 27.8% of couples had at least one spouse identify domestic violence as a major issue that drove them to divorce.

Surprisingly, partners agreed that domestic violence was a cause of their divorces in many cases. Specifically, among 40% of couples where at least one spouse reported domestic violence, the other spouse agreed that it was a cause of their marital breakdown.

Why Are The Numbers So Low?

Assuming that the statistics are correct, there is a large difference between 41% of women experiencing domestic violence and 26% of men identifying domestic violence as a cause of their divorces. There are several reasons these numbers do not match up, including the following:

Never Divorcing

Domestic violence will generally not be cited as a reason for divorce if the spouse chooses to remain in the marriage. 

As domestic violence is used as a means of control, the victim might not have the self-esteem, money, or will to divorce their abuser. They may fear for their safety if they file for divorce, as well as that of their other family members, like children.

Lifetime Experiences

The 41% abuse statistic refers to domestic violence during the respondent’s lifetime. Thus, the survey would count someone as a domestic violence victim if they experienced dating violence in a prior relationship and not their current marriage.

Falling Marriage Rates

Marriage rates have fallen significantly since peaking in 1970, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to fewer committed relationships. More people are choosing to have long-term relationships without marrying. Since the couple never marries, a partner escaping domestic violence can leave without divorcing.

Unreported Domestic Violence

Many cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police, courts, or researchers. As a result, these victims never make it into the domestic violence statistics. Instead of listing domestic violence as a reason for leaving or divorcing, they may hide their victimization out of a feeling of shame.

No-Fault Divorces

All states give spouses the option to divorce without a reason. No-fault divorces are granted as long as one spouse asks for them based on a marital breakdown. In fact, in many states, giving a reason for divorce can delay the divorce process because the other spouse can challenge it.

The Focus of the Study

The study used a definition of domestic violence that covered physical and emotional abuse, but it was unclear whether its definition of domestic violence included sexual abuse. It did not include financial misconduct; instead, it gave survey participants a separate category of “financial problems.”

What Happens When Divorce Does Not End Domestic Violence?

Divorcing an abusive spouse might not end domestic violence. Ex-spouses can still assault, harass, and stalk their victims. Thankfully, though, most states include ex-spouses in their domestic violence laws. They also have laws against physical violence, sexual assault, and stalking that victims can use against their ex-spouses.

Most states give judges the authority to issue protective orders, also called restraining orders, against ex-spouses. The victim can request an order during or after their divorce, and the court can punish the abusive ex-spouse for violating it.

The Complex Relationship Between Divorce And Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can happen in any relationship, including those between unmarried or formerly married partners. The silver lining is that the law provides many tools to fight domestic violence, including protective orders and criminal prosecution, to help victims of any background.